Just another day..

So the guy I was with broke up with me I'm guessing since feb 2 but couldn't even tell me him self. It took someone else to tell me for him it's all fucked up and confusing. It was bugging me so bad I decided to call his mom he wouldn't get on the phone I said I wanted to talk to him, heard him in the background saying no he doesn't want to talk or nothing. So I had to ask his mom things and he would tell her and she tells me what he just said. The reason was because he wanted me to get what I need to do for my self like get my medical and stuff back. He also said I wouldn't do nothing for my self when he was around. I don't believe that I did but sometimes I forget to do some things. And also, I always want him around when in fact that isn't true. I could careless yeah I would see if he's coming over or not just so I know if I can make plans or not. I NEVER ever made him stay I let him go as he please. I don't know about him at times! He said to, that he needed some space. Which is fine with me because I would love that too.. I don't think I've done anything wrong. I think what it is, is that he got really scared when I had a couple seizures and he didn't know what to do or he was scared something bad would happen to me. And thinks he is stopping me for getting help.But he doesn't know. Actually he makes me want to take care of my self more when he's with me I'd do anything for this guy and I have done so much he just don't realize it. I gave him a lot of affection, my love, trust something I would never do but he was lucky. I even gave up on so much for him always try to make him come first and let him feel special and loved. I gave him no girl would give him and that was that. He got everything he could ask for in a girl. And yet, he left me! I don't get it. I wonder if he scared him a way cause he wasn't used to it. I can't think of anything else. But he really hurt me but I tell my self, if it's true love it'll come back to you. And I hope it does. Because I never loved a guy as much I love and care for him.

It's so frustrating!!

Yesterday I had a seizure while I was in my boyfriends bed. This wasn't the first time and now I think it's scary him away. I went to the hospital they only gave me couple medications to calm me down and done a cat scan. They said the shunt for my hyrocephalous is fine. I got no medical now because of somethings that had to fuck me over.. so now I'm screwed!  I love my boyfriend to death and I hope he doesn't back away. At this point I really really need him by my side more than anybody else.. I just wish I knew what is causing my seizures don't want someone to wake me up and see me gone. I'm so scared and lost right now. Just wish I knew what I could do to help my self!! And I don't want to worry about things between me and my boyfriend just because of my seizures or my hyrocephalous.. Just wish he could been here tonight with me just to make sure it doesn't happen again while I sleep but he's not. :( I love you Justin and my family